Oh, and Another Thing About Summer…

Okay, so I just went off about those ridiculously overhyped, Instagram-perfect summer vacations. You know, the ones where everyone looks like they’re living in some sun-drenched music video. But then, mid-rant, I remembered—oh crap, I totally left out, like, half the struggle. And honestly, I think I blacked out for a second because the list is way longer than I thought. 

Ladies, c’mon, you feel me.

Let’s just get real about the sweat. Not that “I’m a glowing goddess” crap they show in skincare commercials. Nah, I’m talking about “why is my eyeliner currently migrating to my forehead” levels of sweat. The kind where your hairline has basically become a waterslide, and your cute little summer dress? Yeah, it’s now starring in its own CSI episode.

And don’t even get me started on hair removal. Shaving, waxing, epilating - pick your poison. Apparently, we’re all supposed to have legs smoother than a dolphin’s butt every single day when it’s 100 degrees out. Miss one patch and suddenly you’re starring in a Planet Earth close-up, narrated by David Attenborough: “Observe, the wild woman and her natural habitat.”

Swimsuit shopping? Oh, please. You have to find one that magically fits, doesn’t dig in, and somehow flatters all the bits you like while hiding all the bits you don’t. And the changing room lighting? I’m convinced it was invented by a supervillain with a vendetta against women everywhere. And if you actually sit down in a swimsuit - good luck. That fabric’s about to spotlight every questionable snack choice you ever made.

Makeup in summer? LOL. 

Either you commit to waterproof everything, and still end up looking like a raccoon on day three of Coachella, or you just give up, slap on huge sunglasses, and hope everyone buys that you’re going for “mysterious” and not “melting Picasso.”

Thigh chafing. Honestly, iconic. You can try the shorts-under-dress trick, but then you’re basically roasting yourself in two layers like a human panini. 

Hot girl summer? More like hot, sticky, slightly irritable girl summer.

So yeah, social media might be all sunsets, cocktails, and #livingmybestlife, but behind every perfect beach selfie is a woman quietly dreaming about chilling in an air-conditioned cave, free from the tyranny of “effortless” summer beauty.